I lost [my enthusiasm] for a while, recently. Another part of me took over, a part that couldn’t make those connections, couldn’t really envision those pathways. Every now and then, a lamp flickered and I caught sight of a few stones. For the most part though, I lost my capacity. It was an effort to believe, to be enthused, to plan. I felt alien to myself. I’ve had symptoms of both anxiety and depression since adolescence, but they have been relatively mild in comparison to what I have seen others go through. And yet, they have shaped my life—manifesting in different ways, and through different behaviours. This time I really sank into it.

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