A conversation with the self:

‘Here we go.’

‘Of course.’

‘It’s normal, don’t worry’.

‘But this swoop in my chest!’

‘It’s just anxiety, you’re dizzy, it’s nothing. It’s just a bit windy out.’

‘But what of this pressure. I have no control. I can’t feel my face. Oh God.’

‘When you think about it, it is just a big metal thing hurtling through the air.’

‘I know!’

‘But it’ll happen so quickly and it’ll be over.’

‘I’ll never see the people I love again. Have I told everyone I loved them enough? I love them.’

‘They know you love them.’

‘Why am I flying alone again, anyway?’

‘That’s right, you’ve been here before, so toughen up.’

‘I better stop gripping the seat so hard, the guy next to me isn’t even worried.’

‘Yeah just act cool. Remember that time your ex was so afraid he squeezed your hand so hard you had bruises?’

‘I thought we were going to be together forever.’

‘Everything ends.’

‘I kinda understand religion right now.’

‘But aren’t those moments – those small/big moments with people you love so big and poignant and vivid?’

‘Because I could die right now?’

‘Or could lose anyone in a heartbeat?’

‘I need comfort.’

‘You’ll read something later that you can relate to. You’ll feel less alone. You’re not alone.’

‘Fear is hilarious.’

‘Is rational and reasoned thought any better?’

‘We’re getting nearer to the ground, thank fuck.’

‘What if it’s a bad landing and you smash your head on the seat in front?’

‘The plane is swinging a bit, we might burst into flames.’

‘Wonder what that would feel like. Maybe better than falling into the ocean.’

‘Everything is shit, life is shit, we’re all gonna die, so why not now?’

‘I thought you loved everything.’

‘Everyone I know will get sick.’

‘Time goes too quickly.’

‘But sometimes not quick enough.’

‘We’ve landed.’

‘Some day it will be worse. Remember that flight to Japan?’

‘The flight attendant was crying.’

‘Fuck. Life: series of near misses.’

‘But look at that guy with half his face cut off from surgery. Don’t forget to be grateful. You’ve got everything, really. Everything.’

‘I do. I’m okay. Everything is fine. Right now and now and now and maybe tomorrow and when I’ve caught 100 more planes and even if I don’t things will be okay for someone and they will be smiling and the important thing is to let yourself feel fearful and sad and lonely because they go hand in hand with brave and smiling and loved.’

‘Wow, it’s warm here. It’s cloudy but it’s warm.’

‘I’m hungry.’

2 thoughts on “Turbulence

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Turbulence – LiteraryMinded -- Topsy.com

  2. I’ve had similar internal conversations – and then whoever I’m flying with will remind me how much safer aeroplnes are than cars. But to my impractical, over-imaginative mind it just doesn’t make senses that an object in the air, that I have absolutely no control over, is safer than my six airbag ground-based vehicle…

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